Sub title - So Wrong It’s RIght!

Sometimes, in the dark, after a couple of drinks, you know you do something sooo wrong but it feels sooo right? A fumble. A stumble and well, whilst we're here - may as well?

But then you hear out the full Abba track...

See what I did there? Started all suggestive and then pulled out early and did some damage to your curtains. Anyway, the theme of today’s descent away from ancient Rome and Electric Arc Furnace steel production, is those songs that everyone affects to hate but then, secretly, love. Well, me anyway.

I’ll try and not make this a ‘Tim reminisces about watching Top of the Pops in the 70’s’ borefest. I’ll mix it up. A bit. Having said that, let’s start with:-

Devil Woman - Cliff Richard (1976)

Long car journeys, 70’s compilations, I can find all manner of excuses to whip this Cliff classic out. It’s disco, it’s guitar led. It’s slightly misogynist. Cliff warns us about women and their evil feminine ways (no sniggering at the back). Total classic and Cliff’s biggest hit in the States. This is the only Cliff song you can air guitar and head bang to. Well. you can, but you’d look a twat. Don’t ask how I know this.

Yes Sir I Can Boogie - Baccara (1977)

We’re all a product of our background. Our history. We fight it but, you know, nature / nuture and all that. So yes, I was around when this talent-free zone briefly burgled the UK charts in 1977 with this song (and it’s follow up - Sorry I’m a Lady). Objectively, it’s shite. A disco by numbers with two talentless singers giving it some fake Donna Summer’s orgasmic lift. I think they’re Spanish. Represented Luxembourg in the Eurovision… And yet, it’s one of my favourites. Play it. It’ll be one of yours too. You’re welcome.

Hannah Montana and The Jonas Brothers - We Got the Party (2008)

A deep cut, man. What do you do to improve a bonafide teen classic sung by a young Miley Cyrus in a crap blonde wig? Yes, add the Jonas Brothers (who the fuck are they? - editor). Miley / Hannah rocks out this surprisingly heavy tune with syncopated fuzz tone guitars. ANYWHERE WE ARE, ANYWHERE WE GO, EVERYBODY KNOWS; WE GOT THE PARTY WITH US! As Taylor Swift used to say - probably insincerely - on her Red Tour (yes, I was there too) when introducing some has-been guest - “this is my jam”.

Whigfield - Saturday Night (1994)

90’s dancehall classic by an Italian songwriting team fronted by a hot Danish singer. Catchy pop - bouncing bass, dancey keyboards, infectious tune and, did I mention, a hot blonde Danish singer? Some weird repetitive duck quacking. Simpler times children, simpler times. It’s not pretentious in the slightest but is dance gold… Wasn’t there a routine that goes with this?

Nellie The Elephant - The Toy Dolls (1984)

Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Punk band flips a Disney classic and has rough sex with it. Aged badly but it was never that great. You had to be there, in a Rochdale disco swaying after too many snakebites. Then, and only then, was it a classic (so, why are you playing it now, Tim?).

Jilted John - Gordon is a Moron (1978)

The 70’s… Those were different times. The past was a different country, and all that. A song about John being dumped by Julie in favour of Gordon who, apprently, is a moron. And many others things too rude to mention on an ESG approved 2024 website. Sub-punk, witty lyrics, catchy chorus, bass solo, a long fade out with every insult under the sun for the afore mentioned Julie and Gordon. Did I really see this on BBC’s Top of the Pops? It all seems like a dream now.

Everyday - Troy (High School Musical 2) - 2007

It’s gotta be done! Tweeny-pop bob channeling ‘Oh Happy Day’ at the end when the cast, always faux sceptical of Troy & Gabrielle and their musical theatre ambitions, put aside their reservations and stand up, clap along and provide a rousing end to the film. Lightweight, derivative, cliched, but fuck it, tracing the arc of this slow builder is a pleasurable experience. Back when Disney knew their market, what the hell their purpose is; giving smiles to little ones and happy memories to those not so young (and now older still).

Hands Up - Ottowan (1981)

“La gard meurt et il ne se rend pas.” The stirring words of General Cambronne at Waterloo as The Old Guard went down fighting are echoed not at all by this French disco-pop duo 166 years later but the same indomitable Gallic spirit punched it’s way into this list. Happy to oblige. Memories of Costa holidays, warm evenings, light weight Europe pop and disco lights. Like the grand old general at Waterloo, this song takes no prisoners and fights to death to get you up and dancing with an irresistable mix of clap-clap beat, daft lyrics and an ear wormish tune. You start ironic. You end a convert.

****

There’s more. So many more. For those about to embarrass themselves, we salute you!