So; what's on the agenda for September? Which bon mots am I gonna scatter out into the internet for y'all to gather, cherish, repeat? Is this gonna be a safe month ("Is it safe?") or is it gonna be a cruel, bareback ride into the darker recesses of my mind?

Actually - I veto'd a post I wrote last night called 'So Wrong, It's Right.' Whatever you're thinking RIGHT NOW - was probably referred to. And then some more. Your sister was probably involved. Olive oil. Celebrity couples. Luckily my internal editor eschews such sensationalist ramblings and blocks them from being posted. Until I'm pissed...

Well, obvs I gonna post 'The Dead Pubs of Clapham'.

I think it's about time I raised my game and started waffling about history again. There's been a shortage of tortuous historical analogies around here. I know a post on Augustus was promised last month and escaped my non penetrating gaze. Yeah, well, fuck him. Everyone talks about Augustus. What about Aurelian? Septimius Severus? Diocletian? Julian? So, I'm going to be taking a face from the ancient gallery and dancing the scarlet maypoles.

(BTW - sat in a pretty empty Battersea Arts Centre Bar and yet everyone who is here comes and sits at an adjourning table. As I've mentioned previously, I can't turn it off. Even when working. Tempted to join in the conversation to my left about Jesus.)

Some high minded chat about the process of Brexit, perhaps? I'm a magnanimous winner as you have observed. Certainly not a mirror image of the losing side. However, some thoughts on this are probably overdue.

An article on rock. As in RAWK!! A listette article on music I like, listen to, was influenced by. I've kind of ignored rock - mentioned the Zep, Who, Stones in passing. Well, that's gonna change.

Food. In the last few weeks I have cooked three great dishes. Really mind blowing. Tartiflette (with Reblochon cheese, of course.), Vietnamese beef salad, the most amazing Nachos with beef skirt and a deconstructed salsa verde. Yum! I'm going to TESCO tonight for a Reblochon and I'm making a big mess of Tartiflette tonight.

Some observational bollocks about September. School days. The ending of the year. Where did summer go? Avoid if you see this one coming down the tracks.

And I think it's about time I started addressing the dating issue. What dating issue, you ask? You're funny. Good looking. A catch. Well, thank you, that's all true but even despite all those things I find it hard to find a soul mate. Blind alleys. Back alleys. Love on the rocks. Ain't no surprise.

Neil Diamond. Top Five easily... Or Top Ten. Go on - list them now!

Beatles, Rolling Stones, The Who, Led Zeppelin/The Yardbirds, Simon and Garfunkel, The Smiths, The Stone Roses, Neil Diamond. And others. Elvis.

Yeah, and loads of new stuff. The Pierces. Er, Taylor Swift. First Aid Kit. I am, of course, achingly on trend. Loving this season's razor toothed sole, moccasins and ballet shoes. All over that. Heels are so August 2016.

September. The best seventh month in ninth place. Like ever!