What's wrong with women? Specifically, what's wrong with women's profiles on online dating sites? So very much. I’m offended whenever I dip my toe into this crocodile infested swamp. I know men are worse; that as long as a picture has a pair of tits, they don’t bother with the nuances of grammar or the finer points of the pictures. But still, just because we know this doesn’t mean the bar has to be lowered to the ground.

Rant away Tim!

- A profile that begins with "I don't know what to say..." Yawn. Delete.

- A picture that's been doctored so that it now includes cartoon ears and a dog's nose. Or has cartoon birds or love hearts spinning around their gurning face. Delete

- "a profile that rambles with no attempt at punctuation I like dogs and going out dancing no time for players weirdos not into hook ups and love my family important message me if you wanna know more" Seriously, the ability to form a coherent sentence, to express oneself with precision, seems to be lost. Do we blame the teachers? Probably. Absent fathers? The internet? Mobile phones? Donald Trump?

- Short women who only date tall guys. What's that about?

- Women who end sentences with lol. Any sentence, lol. Lol is the new full stop. Lol. No-one can punctuate anymore. But sentences abhor a vacuum and so 'lol' has been co-opted to fulfil the task. If I see a lol I pass by. Delete. Gone.

- Women sticking their tongues out. Why? So many post pictures of them doing so I must be missing something, some comedic or sexual reference that's beyond me. Maybe. But it's tacky and childish and seems to scream, "I"m mad, me!" Avoid. Delete.

- Negativity. So many women seem to think that an online dating profile is a very good place to opine about the short-comings of males, how we're all arseholes and deviants and after just one thing, that thing our online princesses won't give up easily. Lol. Some ladies also think their headline should be along the lines of "Don't contact me if you're after a one night stand". I'm not but who likes bad energy? Delete.

- Women who want to be taken seriously, who want someone to make them laugh, who can use punctuation, who won't treat them badly, who are solvent, educated and liberal. Not met one.

Should I just copy paste this article onto my profile? Bizarrely, the law of unintended consequences, of not giving a fuck being attractive, might apply. Okay then, bollocks to it!

COPY

PASTE

Hello ladies! lol !!!!